by Cara Lumen
You may not do it intentionally, but every time you ask someone to simply tell you what to do, you are abdicating your responsibility. And since you are the only major team player and decision maker in your personal universe, why on earth would you want to pass the buck?
Are you scared of the outcome?
Sometimes letting someone else make the decision is about being scared of the outcome. You trust someone who you perceive as knowing more than you or having more experience than you to simply make a choice for you. It doesn’t work that way. You have to be responsible for you. Because no one cares as much about that particular outcome than you do.
Are you too lazy to learn what you need to learn?
It’s a whole lot easier for me not to use my new cell phone even occasionally than to sit down with the instructions and practice till I “own” it or get my daughter to show me yet again how to work it. Maybe lazy isn’t the word, maybe “a bit out of my element” is better. There is a confront there. It’s the oh-my-gosh-something-else-technical-to-learn syndrome. I know that I put off learning how to edit audio for nearly a year because it meant I had to sit down with the tutorials and learn it. Now that I know at least the basics it’s so easy that I don’t know why I put it off – but I felt a confront about learning something else technical (See How to learn something even if you are full up) http://caralumen.com/wordpress/planning/learn-feel-full/
Do you really need to know it? Do you really need to know it now?
OK, so editing audio wasn’t a priority at that time, it was a kind-of-like-to-know-how-to-do-this action step. I’m sitting on another home study course I bought six months ago to help me build my platform better and I haven’t listened to lesson one. And yet in the meantime I’ve completed a three month course on something I really wanted to know now that I thought seemed more relevant, but in fact it was just simpler for me to do. If you find yourself making excuses or looking for an easy answer, check out whether you really need to know it and if you really need to know it now.
If you need support, what kind of support do you need?
Aye, here’s the rub. We all need support along the road. We are not in this alone, but what kind of support we seek makes all the difference. Do I turn my article submission’s over to a VA or do I at least take the initial steps of choosing and signing up for the submission sites best suited for my business? Do I truly understand the back end of my shopping cart http://www.easywebautomation.com/app/?pr=10&id=74310
so I can take advantage of the new upsell feature? If I don’t understand it I can’t use it effectively. Do you need a coach to keep you on target and stop you from wandering all over the place following BSNI’s (Bright Shiny New Ideas)? Perhaps you need a coach who has a broader overview of where you are going and what steps are next to get you there? Maybe it’s a peer mentor you need. I have two of those. We share our expertise, listen to each other as we sort out our decision-making process, and call each other on our “stuff.” But we don’t take the responsibility to do it for each other. We simply support each other in pressing through our own resistance to discovering and taking the next appropriate step.
Give yourself credit for each tiny step
My sister is going through a divorce and there are so many independent skills she is having to learn. It’s so different than the life she has led for 33 years that moving into her individual-hood is a huge and challenging experience. So we’ve taken to acknowledging every small achievement she makes. She calls herself “awesome!” and those of us supporting her do too. And we praise her for every tiny step she takes so she can see her own progress and watch her independence develop.
I’m going to have knee replacement surgery at some point. Talk about taking one step at a time. I kidded with my daughter about making an appointment to sign up for some pain! No one can do this process but me. No one can move the muscles or flex the joints or walk the steps but me. Sure I’ll take advice and encouragement from a physical therapist, and support from my family, but the bottom line is I’m the only game in town. It’s all up to me. There is no one to pass the buck too. But in the long run, I’m the one who will reap the greatest rewards.
Say “yes” to your next opportunity and acknowledge yourself for every step. Don’t pass the buck – don’t ask someone else to take the responsibility you need to take. You will take excellent care of yourself because you deserve it!
© 2010 Cara Lumen