Self Mastery

Are you NUTS?

Posted on May 16, 2010 Written by Cara Lumen

Dr. Oz calls them Nagging Unfinished Tasks (NUTS). They are a major cause of stress and we all have them. It’s that “To Do” list that keeps growing instead of shrinking. It’s the projects that are partially finished but we seem not to have time to complete. And it’s the zillions of ideas that keep showing up to entice us to go do something new.

There are several ways to keep NUTS from driving you nuts. One is organizational and the other is physical.

Limit your To Do List to three things

A long “To Do” list is actually an “I’ll Never Get It Done” list. So let’s turn it into an action step. Every evening before shutting down for the night, choose three things
you will do the next day. Just three. That means you have to prioritize and choose what is the most important task to do. Whether it’s a start up step for a new project,
an action step that moves a project forward, an urgent task with a deadline – just choose three.

Then do them. If you know you have a full day planned don’t choose 3 hour tasks but you sure can get a lot of little tasks off your list in between your activities. I you can, do those things on your list first thing. It will give you a great sense of accomplishment that will stay with you throughout the day.

Delegate

Do a reality check. If you can’t truly get it done, who can? I was recently paid to write two articles from someone who is totally capable of writing them herself, but she cannot and fulfill other obligations. She delegated – to me. Make a list of things you could delegate and identify people that could do those tasks for you. Have your team in place so when you are really stressed you can call on someone.

Breathe Deeply

On the physical level, Dr. Oz has two suggestions. One is to lie on your back with your hand on your stomach. Take a deep breath in and as you do, allow your stomach to extend with the breath. Inhale on the count of five. On the count of 7 exhale and push all the air out of your body until your navel is pulled in. Do this for five minutes.

You could also do this sitting in your chair but one of the major causes of back pain is all our sitting. Figure out some stretching exercises that allow you to stand up and move about and do them every hour on the hour. Get up when you talk on the phone. Walk your office while you are thinking. Consciously lower your shoulders. Get in touch with the tension in your body and release it.

Meditate

Dr. Oz indicates that 5 minutes of meditation releases stress. I do Falun Gong every morning which has as a part of it meditation. I learned Transcendental Meditation years ago and can do that. Mediation is about quieting your mind. Whether you think the seed syllable OM (AUM) or just sit quietly and follow your breath pattern, when you quiet your mind you release stress.

TM asks you to meditate twice a day and a great time for the evening one is between work and your evening activities. It separates you from your work day and energizes you for your evening. Don’t meditate before going to bed.

Be happy

If you’re not doing what you love to do you may find yourself facing some dreary days. Change that. Find things to do and people to be wirh that energize and inspire you. Look for something to add to your life that you’ve been meaning to do. Walk 30 minutes instead of 10. Do some yoga stretches / at lunch time. Go find a place to volunteer that brings you to new people and warm feelings of accomplishment. If you are not happy in your job – change it. Or change you. Or both. When you are excited about what you do, when you are with people who inspire and motivate you, you will do your best work and have a fabulous time doing it.

NUTS

Say “nuts” to nagging unfinished tasks right now. Use these five steps to clear the decks for action and make certain your days are stress free and productive.

What Legacy are You Leaving?

Posted on May 14, 2010 Written by Cara Lumen

by Cara Lumen

Things are happening in my 77 year old life that make we want to be sure that I have been a contributor to this world. I’m not dying, I’m going for 114 at least, but it feels like it’s time to take stock and see if I have made a difference in my world.

Acknowledge yourself for the obvious

There are certain things that will immediately come to mind. I have four great children who in turn have had children and they are all very special people. That was a biological function and yes, I contributed guidance and a gene pool.

I have been a healer and teacher for a lot of my adult life and I know that what I was teaching changed lives. I didn’t always hear how they were changed but things like reiki, Bach flower remedies, Trager, yoga and metaphysics are life changers. I was just the teacher.

What choices did you make?

We make a difference by what we choose and don’t choose. My most dramatic choice was to leave my four children 8 to 16 with my ex-husband who was getting re-married to go off to New York City to have a career in theater. That didn’t turn out to be why I went, I went to get an amazing holistic education that I could not have gotten in the Midwest at that time. I had been raising my children alone and I didn’t see my value in their lives.

What that did for my children was to open up New York City for them. One went on to go to Columbia, another lived there for a long time, another left to go the Portland and another stayed in Kansas City. But they all had their horizons expanded by my move.

I chose to go back and get my Master’s Degree when I was 40. I choose to take EST in New York City. I temped in NYC and learned a high standard of doing business. I got my major holistic education in NYC. Those are some of the major choices I have made along my journey.

What difference did you make in others lives?

Sometimes we don’t know. In a teleclass a long time ago I had a 5 minute segment on forgiveness. 5 minutes in a whole hour. But in the next class one of the participants said she really resonated with that segment. She and her father had been estranged for a long time but that class prompted her to write him a letter. He called her in tears and they were on the way to reconnecting.

You just never know.

You don’t know if your actions set an example that someone is inspired to follow. You don’t know if your input helped someone find a new strength or talent in themselves. You don’t know if a kind action you took touched hearts. You just never know.

How you can change your legacy starting now

I need to be better at relationships. I need to practice that. I need to reach out and involve myself with others more. That will affect my life as much as it will those I reach out to.

I can get really focused about what I teach. My philosophical posts and radio shows are drawing more attention than the practical how to topics. I get to listen to that. What insights do I have to share that might open new paths for others?

What moments can I take with others that will change our lives? My grandson Gideon, who is five, is enchanted with his role as big brother to his week old sister. As I held her he came to be with me, to touch her, to pat her head, to care for her. I’ll remember that time with him and that special time we spent with our newest family member.

My son-in-law is great about creating special moments for my youngest grandsons – he takes them camping, or works with them in his shop to build things. He creates very special moments in his life and theirs simply by taking time to be with them and help them learn something new.

What time do you need to take with others that will change you both?

How do you need to change?

I’m fighting the feeling of being obsolete. Of being a part of the wind-down generation, where the energy to start and maintain something new wanes. And I don’t like it. So just because I am around people who are waiting to have their lives diminish, doesn’t mean I have to go that route at all. I get to keep myself motivated, and interested, and meaningful and relevant. And I can do that every day. And thank goodness for the internet because I am not restricted to my own community to find friends and support, I can go out there and find others who are interested in what I am and I can find places to contribute.

Acknowledge yourself

A long time ago I started an acknowledgement book where I wrote down kind things people said about me along with the date and who said it. When I would get dumpy about myelf I would read that and feel better – noticing what other people had seen in me that I was not seeing myself. Now I keep all the acknowledgements I receive on my computer and can go over them when I need to reassure myself that I have contributed.

You can’t do anything about the past except learn from it. Now is the moment to start changing your legacy. What do you want to do differently? What have you been putting off doing for way too long? How would you change your daily awareness?

I may have to move. I don’t want to. I love where I am. So what I’m doing is absorbing, acknowledging and immersing myself in my present surroundings and living deeply each day I am given with appreciation and gratitude.

Become conscious of how you affect others – through your attitude, your words, your choices, and make certain everything you do comes from your heart. That will help you leave a legacy to be remembered.

How to Know When It’s Time To Change Direction

Posted on May 14, 2010 Written by Cara Lumen

What kind of cosmic two-by-four needs to hit you in the head before you know it is time to change directions?

Passionately On Purpose Radio with Cara Lumen, Your Idea Optimizer, who keeps you passionately on purpose while you make a difference in your world. During these shows we’ll talk about how to uncover your passion, define your purpose, identify your path, make money from what you already know and attract the people you are meant to serve. But most of all, we’ll help you believe you can!!!

As a Business Coach, Content Developer and Educator she talks about how to uncover your passion, define your purpose, identify your path, make money from what you already know and attract the people you are meant to serve. But most of all, she’ll help you believe you can!!! Join her Mondays for Passionately on Purpos

Are You as Coachable as You Think You Are?

Posted on April 9, 2010 Written by Cara Lumen

by Cara Lumen

A coach is a professional guide, an accountability partner, a skilled motivator who can only do her best work if you do yours. Here are some ways that people have sabotaged their own success.

We were both shaking our heads in dismay. “She’s gone back to where she was before we started, she’s shutting down again.” I said to my web designer partner, Judy. “And she doesn’t listen” she added. And she can’t make a decision,” I added, “I have to write an article about how to be coachable,” and we started listing the important qualities you must bring to the mix if you are going to be coachable and reap the results of the knowledge and guidance of the people you hire to coach you.

Trust your coach

First be really clear that you need help. Your business is stuck, you don’t know what steps to take, you want to start a new blog or signature information product and you don’t even know where to start.

Second. Decide that a coach can get you moving forward. Then you go coach hunting. Sometimes that person just shows up on your radar when you most need her. Sometimes she’s someone you’ve been following and knew when you were ready that would be your choice, and sometimes you really go hunting. But you will know your perfect coach when you find her. You will feel a connection. You will choose her because you resonated with what she or he does and how they do it. You are excited to work with that person and ready to learn what they can teach you. You are going to pay good money for this learning experience and motivational jump start. To get the most out of the coaching experience there are several things you must learn to do.

Listen to your coach. Listen to yourself.

You coach is going to listen carefully to you. She is going to ask you questions that help you recognize and make your choices. And then, she is going to set up a program to get you to where you want to go. She can see the overview and knows which steps come first.

But you won’t get there if you don’t listen. If you don’t do what she says, in the order she gives it to you, you are sabotaging yourself.

I know you are filled with ideas, but my job as a coach is to recognize, out of my own experience and training, which are the best ideas for the goals you say you want. If you disagree, do so, but express clearly why you disagree. Sometimes you’ll discover that the barrier or resistance is from another source. Let your coach help you discover what is holding you back. Your coach will help you reevaluate your direction based on those objections. For instance, I always ask my clients if they are willing to do the assignments I give them. If not, we talk about why and adjust it according to what we discover together. It may be a reality check time issue; it may be the suggestion needs to be tweaked to increase the clients’ willingness. You are a partner participant. Let your coach help you in and around and through your stuck places.

Make decisions with confidence

You are the captain of your business ship. You are the decision maker. Be in charge. Make those decisions based on what you feel, what you know about yourself. I had one client take ten days to decide between a web site proposal, working on a Mac in a program she knew nothing about or having a WordPress presence up in ten minutes for very little money. Ten days and two coaching sessions! And she didn’t understand why the process took so long. She was in an indecisive mode partially because she didn’t understand her options. I explained them to her and she made her choices.

When Nancy Hendrickson and I decided to partner on Magnetic Blog Builders we had a site up within 48 hours. Sure we may tweak it, add content, change a few things, but we were open for business in 48 hours. The professionals you work with are fast and capable. Make up your mind. Trust yourself to know what you want.

As a web designer Judy Stewart is incredibly good at capturing the essence of the person she is designing for. But sometimes the person doesn’t recognize it and suggests small changes and shows her three more sites she likes but can’t tell her why. And inevitably the client comes back to the original design. Begin to look consciously at what you want – what colors do you like, what shapes are you drawn to; what feeling do you want people to have when they arrive.

Know yourself and trust yourself

Which brings me to the cornerstone of being a good coaching client – know yourself. It’s not about being inflexible, or being unwilling to change direction, it’s about trusting your intuition, listening to the discovery questions offered by your coach and taking time to go within to find your answer and then making a decision. “I’ll know it when I see it” is a bit hard for a designer or a coach to work with. Begin with a vision. Understand your target community. A web presence is not about you, it is about the people you plan to serve – what they like, what they will respond to, what they need. Know yourself and know your clients.

Take responsibility for doing the work

The most disheartening thing to have happen with a client is for that client to disengage, to not do the work,, to not make the decisions. When the client is excited and making decisions and allowing the results to happen we are all feeling productive and successful. But when a client shuts down, puts off making decisions, will not take the responsibility to learn how to do the next step, we are both soon stuck and disheartened.

Commit and give it everything you’ve got

What point is there in taking a class if you never pick up a book? What point is there in hiring a decorator then insisting on ignoring their advice? What point is there in hiring a coach and ignoring her suggestions? If you have the wrong coach, change. But when you have the right coach, commit to doing the homework, making the decisions and go search out new information and ideas to bring into the project.

Hiring a coach in an investment in your success

A coach has developed an area of expertise. She spends a lot of time developing coaching systems and learning more about her field. She offers you’re her expertise, her knowledge and her insights which translate into short-cuts to success.

In Magnetic Blog Builders we focus on creating a web/blog presence in 4 weeks. Nancy will have it physically up for you in one week, but you and I have some decision making to do – branding, community development, marketing and content development. We develop a magnetic web presence.

As a Book Yourself Solid Coach I help you build a strong niche-targeted foundation for your business and help you decide what marketing strategies are best suited for you and your target community.

As a Signature Product Development CoachI help you organize your ideas, develop and create your product, and create the landing page to help people buy your book, or telecourse, or product.

Choose a coach that has your same values. Choose a person who is supportive, smart, focused and is the guide you want to help you move forward. Then be the most coachable person you can be.